Why Festival Moms and Dads Rule….

The reason I started blogging and being an idiot on social media is that I love people watching at concerts. More specifically, I like watching the older people in the crowd. 

They don’t always fit. People in their early 20’s are very rarely interesting to watch because they generally wear the same things and act the same way. Read any of “The People of Pitchfork” blogs detailing fashionistas who are there to get noticed and not because Moses Sumney is performing some of the most breathtakingly beautiful music in the world right in front of them. Or any Lollapalooza crowd filled with the sloppiest, most inconsiderate behavior you’ll ever see. Blame it on the intoxicants I guess.

Either way, Concert Moms and Dads have a special place in my heart. They are always fun to watch. It’s fun to make up scenarios about where they live, what their house looks like, even what profession they work in on a non-entry-level basis. There are plenty of reasons to look out and watch these people. Here are just a few, in list form, because I may be older, but I’m still a millennial, motherfucker.  

1. They are well behaved

-They aren’t elbowing everyone in sight and violently pushing through the crowd to get close to the stage, halfway through the set (I’m looking at you, 18 year old fucktards). They aren’t drinking a full bottle of wine in 97 degree weather in a field, at noon (I’m looking at you, 130 pound University of Illinois sorority sister). They aren’t “micro-dosing” before a Tame Impala set. They for sure aren’t getting together with 15 other dads and rushing the fence to avoid paying the $75 to get in. (14 made it through). These people are beyond that. They have empathy for those around them and those that have to work these events. And so they quietly enjoy (and pick up after) themselves.

2. They are more excited than you are to be there

-The babysitter is watching (while texting) their children melt in front of their 5th episode of Dora the Explorer. They’ve had tickets for this since December. It’s been on the calendar since the festival was announced. They cannot wait to stand/picnic in a field and day-drink to some bands with their friends. They don’t get out as much as they used to. Work, children, hobbies like woodworking, etc.. All of them be damned this weekend

3. Most likely to wear interesting t-shirts

-This goes beyond the almost ubiquitous Modest Mouse shirts. OG Interpol t-shirt circa 2002? New Order North American Tour 98? Dinosaur, Jr. Europe ’01 Tour? Is that a Ween t-shirt? Grace Jones t-shirt with the sleeves cut off (who the fuck are you)??? Don’t even get me started on the Brewery t-shirts.

4. They refer to beverages as “beverages”

-They’re taking an Uber home. Mom hasn’t had anything other than chardonnay in months. This crew is ready to party. In a very restrained way. Oh! and they serve pale ales! Time for a beverage.

5. They add a wholesomeness the entire festival crowd

– They bro down in cheesy, hilarious ways (I’m talking full wind-up high fives, air guitar solos, and “the shocker”)

-They bring a blanket, grab some corndogs and beers, and have a picnic during The New Pornographers set

-They are wearing actual clothes and are not covered in glitter. 

-They bring little babies that are adorable, especially with their sunglasses and massive, industrial-grade ear protection*

*I will fight the parents of any infant I see without proper ear protection. Know your shit, mom and dad, otherwise don’t bring your kid.

6. They smoke actual weed

-While they likely aren’t old enough to refer to weed as “grass” or tangentially ask you to get off their lawn, older millennials and festival moms/dads will pass around a bowl of actual weed, smoking out of some psychadelically colored bowl. No intense weed vape-pens, no edibles. Is that a chillum??

7. They very rarely vape

-and shame on any who do

9. They add much-needed volume to smaller crowds

-That American Football set opposite some big-name rapper? That National set opposite Bruno Mars? (different sorts of moms on those crowds). These festival-goers aren’t necessarily there for the headliner. They might not be there for anyone in particular. But they tend to favor legacy acts (Thurston Moore, Slowdive, etc.) while the young kids cram together to party their faces off at the hot new commodity playing on the main stage.

 

9.  Karen O threw a beer bottle at them in 2003

-You hear fantastic stories about their earlier exploits at concerts. That mom in khaki shorts and a Strokes t-shirt? She used to get down, with The Strokes. That dad had a really weird phase where he followed The Jesus Lizard around for a few months. Older couple’s solo friend “badly” lost a poker game to Steve Albini. 

 

10. This is their 11th Pitchfork Music Festival / 20th Lollapalooza

-They loyally purchase tickets to festivals and events because of the experience, not just the lineup. I think everyone with the means should do the same.